Merry and Bright

I'm not sure what I think about e Christmas cards. But shutterfly's website was really easy to use.  A big thank you to Lily Chang for taking these great photos of our kids!

Stationery card

View the entire collection of cards.

Well for better or for worse, we will not need to navigate the nebulous world of the color pink.  Ultrasound techs were pretty confident Leap is a boy. None of us were seeing it but how often do you have confident ultrasound techs? Tobo is still holding out hope Leap will be a girl (which could happen) but we are happy to be able to do bunkbeds and not have to replace all our baby stuff this time around. If you do give us anything, please no more baby blue. All our newborn stuff is pale blue. All. of. it. 

We won't be giving out his real world name until after the birth (unless I let it slip). Tobo wants to name him 'Pumpkin Candle'. He'll make a fine big brother.

So another HUD house is for sale in a neighborhood we are looking in. (Cottonwood, somewhere between Parker and Lone Tree for those of you playing along at home.)  The struggle is because we have to make quick decisions on these properties because the nice ones don't last. It's terrible because it's the size we want at the price we want. I hate this part. Having to guess if this is it or if there is something better in a closer nieghborhood.

We looked at a nice HUD yesterday but it was too small. Though I like, niegh love, a lot about it, we will grow out of it in approximate 5 years... as soon as the kids are over 3 feet tall. The nice thing about this one is that the price was low enough that we would have plenty of cash to fix it and save for the future. 

Does anyone ever 'fall in love' with a house when you are shopping on a budget? Is it like earrings or pets? If it doesn't have the exact layout and features you like, should you consider it if it is right on paper?

So hard to choose when I feel like so much of the future will be invested in it.

It is always so hard to write after a long hiatus.  Where to start? Should I catch you up or just write about the immediate things now?

We are still in a time of transition. I think Paul figured out once that we have been in transition since 2007.   One big long continuous season of unsettled uncertainty.  Work is still busy in the day to day routine, but we are once again living in the tension of not knowing what the next year will bring.  (As many others are doing so with the economy the way it is). Hopefully in the next month we should have official numbers and a timeline for switching status. Switching status will do two things: 1)we will become subsidized for what we already do there (in some way to be determined) and 2) we raise a smaller amount of support to add to that. There has been a lot of talk about how we can do this, now comes the hard part of putting legs to the vision.

So we thought this would be a great time to buy a house. Well, we thought, for what we are paying in rent, we could buy a house now that the bubble has popped (almost wrote pooped there) and save money instead of living right at our expenses/income line. We also are kind of stepping out in faith that we will stop being evaluated every blinking year to see if we are a go / no go ministry and will start putting down roots, both investing into the fellowship and into our community of friends out here in Denver.

You have to remember, we thought we were leaving the country up until 4 months ago. So we've left larger purchase go (like cars) because we were just going to sell them in a few months anyway, right?  We've also are renting a place in a good location for the top of what we can afford because it wasn't going to be more than a year right? And so many other little battles of will over what to spend and what to live without. Once we can lower our housing payment while stilling getting the size of space we need (at least 1200 sq ft) as our family grows, we can start saving for cars, car maintenance, retirement, and college for the kiddos. Most of this has gone by the way side as we have been trying to keep our costs down since we were about to leave. We are hoping to either find something by Thanksgiving OR wait until after  Leap makes his/her appearance in Feb. next year. We are struggling now because most of the best houses we are finding are 30 minutes drive away from the rest of our life (work, church, babysitters, activities, etc.) So do we settle for crummy and close or nice and a commute?

  

Yes, a good portion of this has to do with me needing to nest. We are right around week 18 (week 19 on Tuesday next week). We go for another ultrasound then too, so hopefully baby Leap will give us some idea as to what to expect. We're going to go as a family, so Tobo will get a chance to see a visual of this baby he keeps talking to. For the most part I have not had your normal pregnancy issues. My stuff is I'm a tired, hungry beach ball. I also wear out faster after social stuff...and then take longer to recover. That plus 2 bouts of sickness for Tobo has meant we are having a tough time getting all the work hours in AND our current M/T/S social schedule.  I feel something is going to give. And it can't be work. So more unpleasant decisions about what social stuff I need to start backing away from, a lot sooner than I thought I would need to.  I enjoy it while I'm there, but I pay for it the next day.  I had hoped to make it to Christmas. Now I'm hoping to hold on until Thanksgiving.

Tobo is doing well. Other than being sick for part of September, he's cheerful and happy. He's not doing preschool this fall but will start next year. He is not potty trained and is showing signs of being strong willed about it. He's figured out that potty treats are a form of manipulation and wants no part of them. He is going to the sitters 2 days a week and then has a day off with Paul (which is how I get my 3 work days in).  We don't know if that flex time will go away for Paul with the new status change, but that sure is possible).  Tobo is loving numbers. Often is counting and reading them off on signs. He has no time to color or write on paper. He'd rather be building rockets that are going to Pluto. Telling stories about how the numbers are lost and then found and become friends.  He had a really great first dentist visit. He is also still using a pacifier at night. Fortunately the dentist says we still have time to get him weened off of it before it does permanent  damage to his teeth.  He is still small for  his age (hanging out at the 10% for weight) but he also doesn't eat unless he is hungry and knows when he's finished.  He's now 3.5 years old.

Anyway, If you are still reading, cool. Hope to updated again after we learn more on Tuesday.

Wrong Date

I got confused. We won't actually find out the gender until around week 20, which is mid October 2011.  So you have plenty of time to keep guessing!

I've added a poll to the top of our page.  In 9 days we go for the ultrasound that will tell us something of the gender of our next kiddo. Here is your change to say "Ha! I knew it!" before hand.

We've decide to nick name our kiddo Leap, since his or her due date is on 2/29/2012.  Ok, so that won't really happen but we thought it would be nice to remember that later on. So similar to Tobo, Leap will be the name we use in electronic public areas, such as facebook, twitter and any blogs.  

Speaking of which, did you know that Tobo has his own twitter account? You can follow him at http://www.twitter.com/tobosayz, though you will need to create your own account to follow him.

A Message from Tobo

That's right, we are expecting again! Baby #2 is due February 29, 2012. Tobo is looking forward to being a big helper...as long as he doesn't have to share his toys!

I'm feeling really good other than fatigue and forgetfulness.

Thank you for your prayers for our family!

wordless | independence day

wordless | summer time on the porch

clay remembers

“Woe to the one who quarrels with his Maker— An earthenware vessel among the vessels of earth! Will the clay say to the potter, ‘What are you doing?’ Or the thing you are making say, ‘He has no hands’ ? - Isaiah 45:9

But now, O LORD, You are our Father, We are the clay, and You our potter; And all of us are the work of Your hand. - Isaiah 64:8

I brought home my first bowl from this pottery session. As I've worked on it (and others) throwing, then baking, trimming, then glazing -- I 've been thinking a lot about the potter's clay referenced in Isaiah. Now I am sure I am not the first person to compare throwing pottery and these verses. But now I feel like I have a better understanding than I did before.

When I first heard these verses (probably at church camp) it sounded so easy. That we as humans are so malleable; changeable, like mud or dough. Now that I've had my hands in it -- I'm here to tell you that clay is hard to work with. It is not all icing and squishy play dough. It's tough. You have to shove it around like a stubborned animal to get it to mind you. You must center it or it will cause the entire piece to wobble. The more delicate your lip or edge, the easier it is to destroy it in a blink of an eye.

There's a saying around the pottery studio: "Clay has a memory." If you mess up, the clay will lean towards where you took it before, even if you start again. Clay remembers what it was.

I suspect that we are about as easy to work with for the creator. We are shoved, we are squeezed. We are pressed on all sides, and we are refreshed and honed. We are gently drawn out of our center into a elegant new creation that will eventually be rock hard. And we remember where we were before we were saved even as we are created into something new.

clay remembers

Garage sale days for the garage sale impaired.

So, there is a garage sale surrounding us this weekend. Our entire neighborhood, today and tomorrow, is pulling out all the old junk from the back and trying to make a little spending money. We are not particpating (or rather we are not selling) this year because watching a table of nickknacks on the front lawn is something my mom probably would loathe to do on her vacation but I did take a quick stroll down the cul-de-sac with Tobo today and found:

$0.50 - 4T left handeded(?) catchers glove

$1 - leap frog letter tracing thing in good shape.

$10 - big honking pot (18" at mouth)

$2 - Candy Land

$2 - Hungry Hippos

$1 - 3 cute pottery barn coffee mugs

$0 - 8 free toddler books on telling time, bible stores and the like.

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$16.50 = High amount of entertainment on a rainy day in Denver. Overall, a good haul.

Though we have not made it through a complete game of Candyland, Hungry Hippos is a huge hit. (also a very loud hit). The leap frog thing is really at a good learning level for Tobo. Letters and shapes to trace -- though he also likes using it as a big "smart phone". He very proudly tries to throw with his catcher mit instead of catching with it. Won't hear it done in any other way.

I will probably take another stroll at some free moment (you know since we are enclosed) in hopes to find the elusive blue 12" bike and maybe tables and chairs for the porch. This stuff is actually in pretty good condition. I keep hoping these will be easy to find.

That is pretty silly thing to hear me say, considering how much I hate garage sales.

the new new new reality

As most of you know, we have been in the process to go to Singapore with OMF International since April 2010. Before my father passed away in late April, the field leadership gave us a benchmark of mid May to see God bring our finances at least up to 80% for us to continue as candidates for the IT position in Singapore. We are now well past mid May and looking at our numbers and well . . . they just aren't where they need to be for us to continue as we have. So we are withdrawing our names. Paul said it best in this email he sent last week to our leadership:

It is with mixed personal feelings, but great confidence in the Lord, that I write to you to withdraw our names for the IT Manager role at IHQ; I would like to thank ... all those who have been so supportive and encouraging us to follow wherever God may be leading us.
I will say this: I am certain I do not wish to go anywhere that God is not paving the way for us to go! Please pray as we re-adjust our plans and seek again to know what God has for us next.

We are planning on taking the next 3 months to pray,talk, think, decompress, etc. in order that we can honestly seek after the Lord to confirm where he is leading us next. Right now we are kind of a mess in various mundane ways and for good reason. Our co-laborers at OMF have been very caring and understanding as we try to work out the kinks in our plans and dreams and what God is doing with them. And we do appreciate everyone's prayers for our family -- I believe we are doing as well as we are because of your prayers, make no mistake.

In the short term we will continue to work at the U.S. Headquarters as the IT Coordinator (Paul) and in Communications (Cat). I am actually kind of excited about this since giving up US Mobilization was something I was finding hard to do.(I can quit any time I want to.) These are both support-based positions, which mean we are still under-funded even though we aren't going anywhere. We are going to have to address that in the near future, but I think God will allow us to catch our breaths emotionally and spiritually before we continue to press on into the next great adventure. We'll see where we are in fall. I'll continue to write and post as things come to me, but I felt this needed to be said first before I can really start writing again.

In the meantime, you can help by praying for us as we adjust to the new new new reality of 2011.

Dad's Obituary

• by Pensacola News Journal
• also at the Herald Palladium
• And here at the funeral home.

And here is the text of what we wrote:

GORDON GILBERT FORMSMA
Gordon Gilbert Formsma, 71, of Pensacola, FL, passed peacefully from this life to the next on Thursday, April 28. Gordon was born in Grand Rapids, MI on January 16, 1940. He and Carolyn Wendelken were married on September 9, 1972 in St. Joseph, MI.

He earned a B.S. in Music Performance, an M.A. in Elementary Education, and an M.A. in Early Childhood Education from Western Michigan University. He taught vocal music and kindergarten in the St. Joseph, MI school system. From 1988 to 1992 he was an Associate Professor of Early Childhood Education for the University of Kentucky Community College system. In 1996 he became Director of Head Start, Escambia County, a job which he did passionately until he retired. Gordon cared deeply for building up families through investing in their children’s lives. Standing 6’ 4” tall, he was affectionately called the “Gentle Giant” by Head Start Staff.

Gordon was an accomplished organist and served a number of congregations throughout his life. While in St. Joseph, MI he became Music Director for St. Paul’s Episcopal Church acting as both choir director and organist. In Pensacola, he took great pride in singing with Christ Church’s choir.

Gordon is survived by his wife, Carolyn Formsma; his daughter, Catherine (Paul) Hoemke and grandson, of Denver, CO; his brother, Gerald (Connie) Formsma of Elkhart, IN; his sister-in-law, Carol Formsma of Coleman, MI; and numerous nieces and nephews.
He was preceded in death by his mother and father, Charlotte and Melvin Formsma, and two brothers, Jay and Duane Formsma.

He was a good, loving husband and father and a gentle man. He will be missed.

A memorial service will be held at Christ Church, Pensacola, FL on Saturday, May 7, 2011 at 11:30 a.m. followed by a reception.

In lieu of flowers, the family suggests memorials be made to Christ Church with the name Formsma on the memo line. These donations will support the parish’s community classical music concert series.

Memory Book

I am really toying with the idea of putting together a book to document the memories and stories people have been passing on to us about how my dad effected their lives. I have two questions for you:

1. Scrapbook-ers -- do you have any good suggestions for doing this? It will be a mostly text story with maybe a few photos. Is there a good cheap way to put it together?
2. What are your stories? What are your memories? What should I include?

Email me directly at choemke at gmail dot com or Fb is fine too. I'll be collecting them through the week and try to put it together next week.

FAQ about my Dad's passing

death notice: Gordon Gilbert Formsma, 71, of Pensacola died Thursday, April 28, 2011. Bayview Fisher-Pou Chapel is in charge of arrangements. UPDATE: Online guest book at their website.

The memorial service will be on May 7 at 11:30 at Christ Church, Pensacola, FL, the church my folks attended for over 10 years, and in which my dad was an avid choir member. (They have a big organ there and use it well.) He will not be buried but will be cremated and placed in a crematorium in Christ Church. This is a great comfort to my mom, who will still be in the area and at that church. No viewing and visitation.

We are asking that folks not send flowers (if you already have, no worries, we just don't have a lot of room for them at my mom's condo) but there is a memorial set up that will go to supporting music at Christ Church. This fund has brought in a number of large names such as Anonymous 4. My dad had hoped to bring in the Raleigh Ringers (hand bell ensemble) but the plans never came together.

A lot of people are asking what happened? How did he get so sick so fast? Well, we are asking that too. It was quick on all accounts, partially because we were not understanding how seriously sick he was until Easter Monday. There is some indication that he might have know all was not well possibly as early as two years ago. We're not sure if he knew and didn't share or didn't realize how serious his condition was then. He became a bit wobbly (bad balance) around the beginning of the year, that turned into a fall somewhere in March. After he was hospitalized after the fall (not for any damage from the fall though) he became more and more anxious and confused. Everyone who saw him said it looked like he had a stroke, though there was no indication that that happened. It was within 30 days of that hospitalization that he passed away peacefully in his sleep.

We are feeling very cared for. We are also absolutely blessed by the number of people coming forward with stories of how my father's life touched and changed theirs for the better. It is truly a testimony to his love music and education that so many people grieve his passing. Thank you again for keeping our family in your prayers.

Recipe: Bread Maker Hot Cross Buns

So I got it into my head to make hot cross buns this morning while I was at home with my sick kiddo. I'm all proud because, though I was out of non-hard boiled eggs, I still managed to make some delicious rolls, AND I wrote down what I did. Hope you enjoy it. Happy Easter!

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Bread Maker Hot Cross Buns

Liquids / Sugars
1 cup water
1/8 cup sweetened condensed milk, fat free
2 tsp melted butter
1 tsp sugar
1/2 cup applesauce

Dry
4 cups Plain flour
1.5 tsp of cinnamon
dash of salt
1 teaspoon Yeast

Add later
1/4 cup of orange peel
1/8 cup cranberries

Other
2 cups of powdered sugar

Directions

1. Combine liquids and sugars in bread maker.
2. Add Dry items except yeast.
3. Dig a small hole and fill with yeast.
4. Go through a dough cycle.
5. Add orange peel and cranberries mid way finish cycle.
6. Grease a 12x18" pan, fill a bowl with some kind of oil. and have a bowl of flour.
   
7. Alternate rolling up 12 rolls between flour and oil, finishing with oil. Place in glass pan.
8. Place a greased cling wrap cover on top, pop in an over warmed to 100 F. (turn off once up to heat).
   
9. Let sit for 30 minutes in the oven while it doubles in size.
   
10. Remove cling wrap and turn over up to 325 F. (400 F at sea level)
    
11. Bake for 15 minutes, coat with sugar water glaze.
12. Bake for 5 to 10 more minutes until brown and crusty.
13. In the meantime take the rest of the sweetened condensed milk in a small bowl. Add enough powdered sugar to thicken it up enough to be icing.
14. Load the icing up in a zip lock bag (may need to double bag here if it's really thick) and ice the buns in cross formation.
    
15. Eat.
    

Mash up of these two recipes:
Destitute Gourmet
Cooks

schooled

[Shoot. I only had 8 days left in February and I blew it. I didn't post last night. I'll try posting twice today but...it's just not the same. ]

You meet all types of people. Believers who are just realizing that there is a great commission, folks who have been sending people for 30 years, God takes all kinds. Most of our partners are somewhere in between. But hardly any of them do missions as their main focus. It isn't their main thing - God is. Their church is. And that is the way it should be most of the time. Their lives are happening all around them and if I can bring missions to the front of their mind more often than not, I am communicating successfully.

I think I need to back up a step to explain my mind in regards to mobilizing for missions. Just as a church planter sees the people in their village as his or her flock (or constituents) I, as a mobilizer, see U.S. Christians as my focus. A church planter will ask their partners to pray for individuals and organizations in that village/region; I ask my partners to pray for individuals and organizations in the U.S. to become mobilized (I like to say on fire for missions, but that's just my wording.) The church planter wants you involved through prayer and financial support because it's God's plan and it's good for folks in the village; I want you involved through prayer and financial support because it's God's plan and it's good for you and for our existence as Christians in this country.

So I went into the event on Saturday with certain expectations. Our organization, like many faith-based, nonprofit organizations is feeling the economy crunch. (The exception there is we don't solicit or fund raise.) We just got a new national director. The world of missions is changing. We just released an excellent video series with Perspectives. So I kind of went into it with the attitude that "people will be changed by us knowledgeable experts." This attitude was reflected in my prayer request the night before, that "many people there will be led to respond to God's call on their lives in regards to missions and specifically to East Asia with [us]." It was going to be a learning event ... I just wouldn't be doing the learning, everyone else would. (/arrogance)

God totally schooled me. Though all those things I mentioned above are crucial and were pushed to the forefront of the evening, the real value of the event for me was hearing my friend's story and current walk in missions; about their church's take on missions, and how it's effecting their family -- both for the positive and the negative. I had forgotten (or God-forbid, ignored) this part of the equation. Behind every partner there is a network of others. Those others (and our partner) are believers and are seeking his face independently of us. If they are seeking his face, they will eventually come into an understanding of the great commission on their own. Missions is part of the DNA of a christian life. God can teach me about the great commission through you, just as much as you can learn from anything I've got to say. It is a work we are doing together, and it is often an equal exchange of peers, rather than teach to student.

an ordinary day

Our lives have been so chaotic these days that a "normal" day is confusing. Normal just doesn't happen for us. We get a day off maybe every 2 weeks. Today was a normal day. Tobo appeared at our bedside at 7a and crawled into bed "because he was still tired." We all snuggled up until someone's stomach gurgled and it was deemed breakfast time. Tobo and I got up and proceeded to the couch to talk about cars and other things. Eventually I got him over to the table for breakfast, which consisted of half a banana and half a two-bite cinnamon roll. I finished my breakfast and coffee while Tobo wandered off to play with stuff in the tv room. Paul slept.

Tobo and I did some painting at the kitchen table to present Dad "with all this purple" when he got up. Afterward we read a new High Five and cut out the matching game in the back. We played through it a few times and then I backed off and he played a round himself. Paul in the meantime was going through all our old floppy disks and transferring the old photos we had there onto some kind of modern media. By 11 I realized we were not going to get to the park, so we watched an episode of All About John Deere Tractors, (which as a side note, mentions Berrien Springs and St Joesph, MI, which are both around where I was born) while I answered work email and generally played silly Fb games.

Tobo was turning into a whiny tired puddle after the show, so we gathered to eat lunch. He perked right up after half a baloney sandwich and a bowl of potato chips. He was not buying the "cucumbers are yummy bit". We got a call from Grandma and Papa in Michigan. Tobo talked and sang and ate some tomatoes. He also showed off his Tyrannosaurus Rex Stomp, which is a loose rendition of the Yeti Stomp from The Backyardians.

After the call, we wandered back into our bedroom to do "quiet time". This is our alternative to nap time, since that has just not been working out. I put him into the bed and grabbed my book and ignored him. About a chapter in, I looked over and he was out. So we read and he slept. I eventually poked him awake at 3:30p. And found out he was really hot. Fever. (Oh, that's why he went to sleep!) We go downstairs and Tobo informed me that he would rather have drops in his eyes or a shot than take his temperature under the arm. After a little explaining and a little wrestling I got a reading. I ended up canceling the babysitter when I took his temperature of 103 degrees. Paul stayed home while I went to the event. Before I go, Tobo and I play with his duck puppet who "is a little bit sick" and "has one (1) fever." They had an early night, I have a good time catching up with folks. Home now, facing another post (there is always another post when you are doing nablopomo. ) which I apparently have just completed.

discreet? Meet frank.

Blogging is complicated. Back in the day, I had a few friends that believed that you should blog everything. Not just every truth but every lie, every action, all of it, good and bad--the point being that you were honestly out there, for all to see. Ok given these folks were writers by trade so maybe honesty in type was kind of a big deal. I have struggled over the last few years because I don't always feel I can share my honest (and usually short-lived) reaction to stuff and then take the repercussions right in the face.

Some of that has to do with I don't own all of the secret, i.e. it involves someone else and I have not been given permission to share what I know no matter what my personal opinion is about the subject. I am unlike Paul. I have to work to keep secrets. I am not the black hole of knowledge; sucking in all information around me and compressing it to the point that even light can't escape the depths of my discretion. He has regularly not told me about a pregnancy or a engagement if he was told ahead of time until it is announced publicly. Like for months. It use to make me mad. Now... I can respect that I have a respectable husband.

The new twist is now we are a family of missionaries. Living out there with all our bumps and bruises for all to see. Sometimes it is really good to be honest and open about what I am struggling with but sometimes, its touchy. If I was out in the public forum under my own power, I would be watching my words vigilantly, waiting for the misstep. Fortunately, I am out here in the open not because I want to be but because God has lead me out here. I am constantly thanking God that I am following him, as he steers me around pitfalls and washed out bridges, and oh, volcanoes. And I just have to say, "Man, am I glad I was honest today. I'm glad I didn't take the low road, or take the cheap shot, Didn't act the small petty individual I can be at times. Because this could have completely derailed us." It's kind of a lightheaded feeling as you skate disaster. I would like to remind you that I have no formal bible training. I graduated from what is probably the anti-Moody. My vision for missions is basically "I will go where the pillar of smoke leads." If I happen to help the start of an indigenous biblical church movement of self-replicating churches on the way, all the better.

I'm slowly reading and watching dvds about how to connect with people. Mobilizing what I can only call my base is on my mind a lot, especially this week. And blogging about how I plan to mobilize my supporters (most of who read my blog) just feels kind of well ... meta. Like I'm plotting and scheming here in my dark corner of the interwebs instead of being a forthright child of God. I am often thinking and praying for individuals who are praying and thinking of me because I can't help it. Some of that stuff that I am praying about is personal and was given to me in private. Some folks are highly on my mind but I can't share it with anyone but Jesus. At times that is frustrating but most of the time it turns into a teaching opportunity about prayer. In the same way writing and talking about our partnership development isn't going to be for public consumption.

Some day I may get back to all honesty all the time. And maybe I will let the meta out the bag a bit more than I do with some forgiving souls who will take it with a grain of salt, but for now I think I need to continue to walk the line between frankness and discretion.

it's a hockey night in Denver

Last night we got a chance to see the Av's play the Pen's due to some free tickets. I don't know where our friend got them but I think it's been over 5 years since Paul and I got to go to a hockey game together. And it was a good game. We got in the habit of going back when we lived in Pgh because the nosebleed seats weren't that expensive. And if you asked around you could usually find someone who had some kind of deal that would get you some kind of discount. It was very different than trying to get into a Steelers game. Then you needed to be nice to a season ticket holder because really that was the only way you were going to get in. I heard of people trying to pass their season tickets rights down to their relations in their wills. So, hockey was a good alternative. We did get to go to a few games in Three Rivers and in Heinz Field, but mostly we went to see hockey -- since Pittsburgh baseball is, well it just is.